Thoughts have been spinning around my head at a mile a minute. Desires of my heart are trying to burst out-some of them good but I'm not perfect and I'll be the first to admit it so some of them not so great.
I among most people want things we can't have, I've tried really hard to be better at this because I know its not the right thing but its hard when you have the desires in your heart.
Some desires are bad, they lead you to think of yourself as lower than you are...
I was thinking about desires today and how they have led me to change my life in one way or another.
With all the negatives pushing down on me and coming to my breaking point I desired to focus on the desires I've had all my life.
- Become a pediatric nurse, I've always wanted to work in the medical field and helping out with children is like the icing on the cake :)
- Getting an education-not only in school but within the gospel too. I've always felt not good enough when compared to others in my sunday school class because I didn't know all the scripture stories and what made it worse was that I've been a member my whole life. I realize now that mostly its my own fault for either not paying much attention as a kiddie or not absorbing all the amazing gospel my parents and teachers placed in front of me!
- I've always wanted to be a mother, I've looked at my amazing mother and her example in my life and I don't even think I'll be able to compare to her the day I am blessed with a child of my own. To bring a life into this world to nurture and help grow into the man/woman they are meant to be is one of the greatest blessings I could ever imagine.
I found this Talk by Elder Ballard on Mothers & Daughters-I wanted to blog about Elder Oaks talk on Desire but I found this one and it hit me as I was reading it so I wanted to share it with you all :) My commentary will be in the [brackets]
"Sisters, we, your brethren, cannot do what you were divinely designated to do from before the foundation of the world. We may try, but we cannot ever hope to replicate your unique gifts. There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman."
[Women are unique individuals, given special gifts that only they can pass on to their children]
"I understand that some of you young women do not have mothers with whom you can discuss these issues. And many of you women do not presently have daughters in your lives. But because all women have within their divine nature both the inherent talent and the stewardship to mother" [I am so grateful to have been influenced by my mother, her presence has definitely help me grow into the woman I am today. But I agree with Elder Ballard on the fact that ALL of us have that inherent talent and the stewardship to mother-its a gift we were given from our Heavenly Father that I truly am grateful for!]
"Young women, your mothers adore you. They see in you the promise of future generations. Everything you accomplish, every challenge you overcome brings them pure joy. And likewise your worries and heartaches are their worries and heartaches."
[I like to think that I only bring happiness and joy into my mother's eyes but eh I know that's not always the case, I may be the reason for turning of hair color :/ But even though I cause her stress and heartache she still has trust in me to leave and go off to college in a different city, stay out late when I'm on a date, and make my own decisions. The biggest key that I'm grateful for is trust, she has that characteristic pretty much covered when it comes to her kids I believe, I hope one day to be able to hold that much love in my kids knowing that I've raised them right and that they know the difference between right and wrong that way I can have that trust in them too.]
It is, unfortunately, all too easy to illustrate the confusion and distortion of womanhood in contemporary society. Immodest, immoral, intemperate women jam the airwaves, monopolize magazines, and slink across movie screens—all while being celebrated by the world. The Apostle Paul spoke prophetically of “perilous times” that will come in the last days and specifically referenced something that may have seemed particularly perilous to him: “silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts” (2 Timothy 3:1, 6). Popular culture today often makes women look silly, inconsequential, mindless, and powerless. It objectifies them and disrespects them and then suggests that they are able to leave their mark on mankind only by seduction—easily the most pervasively dangerous message the adversary sends to women about themselves.
[Can I just say this was said perfectly? Women that dress immodestly, sleep around with multiple people, and speak inappropriate language are celebrated in our world today. It disgusts me to be honest, the feeling of having to lower your standards to get attention makes me feel sick. The desire to get attention from a "hot guy" and doing whatever it takes to receive a nod or smile from him is not worth losing your integrity. I've felt low before when no guy has looked at me the way other girls get looked at, but you have to realize that if he is only looking at your outward appearance, he is not worth changing yourself for. Find yourself a man who respects you for you. I used to always joke that I wanted to find a guy who still loved me even if he was in the other room-mostly because it would prove to me that he wasn't just interested in my outward appearance but also has fallen in love with me. Inside and out :) ]
"And so, my dear young women, with all my heart I urge you not to look to contemporary culture for your role models and mentors. Please look to your faithful mothers for a pattern to follow. Model yourselves after them,not after celebrities whose standards are not the Lord’s standards and whose values may not reflect an eternal perspective. Look to your mother. Learn from her strengths, her courage, and her faithfulness. Listen to her. She may not be a whiz at texting; she may not even have a Facebook page. But when it comes to matters of the heart and the things of the Lord, she has a wealth of knowledge. As you approach the time for marriage and young motherhood, she will be your greatest source of wisdom. No other person on earth loves you in the same way or is willing to sacrifice as much to encourage you and help you find happiness—in this life and forever."
[This was said perfectly too-our mothers may not be all high techy like we are but they know what matters most. Heed unto their words, their example, and their love...it is that which will help us through our lives-they center their life on Christ and we as the next generation need to follow in their footsteps.]
Love your mother, my young sisters. Respect her. Listen to her. Trust her. She has your best interests at heart. She cares about your eternal safety and happiness. So be kind to her. Be patient with her imperfections, for she has them. We all do.
[In our rough times, in our accomplishments, our mothers are always there, to give you a shoulder to cry on, a ear for listening, and always has kind words to share with you. Sometimes it is hard to be patient but you have to remember that she may be close to perfect but she too is human, she may not always have to say what you want to hear but she always cares about you!]
[I'm grateful for my mother and all that she does for me, she loves me unconditionally and has been aside me in all my decisions, mother I love you!]
My last goal that I cannot wait for the day that this occurs is:
Marrying in the temple-I've always loved the pictures of the temple, which is why I had to make a collage of some of them because they are all so BEAUTIFUL! The feeling I get when I'm on temple grounds is indescribable, I love the joy that overwhelms my being and motivates me to become better :) To marry the man I love for time and all eternity makes me the happiest person in the world. Finding that one person you can't think of your life without, and not just for this lifetime but for all eternity, it seems amazing just to think that I will have him to stand beside me for the rest of my life!
He totally completes me. where I am rough he is smooth. where I am loud he is quiet. where I am not confident he is firm. But the best part is that he not only completes me he compliments me which is what love is. I've not only found my other half who fills my gaps in life but also someone who brings out my features! We take each other's qualities and brighten them so that they can shine. 
Marlee had sent me cookies & a sudoku (her dad gave her this intense one and I said I wanted to try it!) for my Hump Day gift (see isn't she just a sweetie!)
this photo however makes me go (yuck!) So grateful I'm not in Texas lol but glad my boy is afraid to squash a bug or two ;) those things are huge...definitely not wearing flip flops if we go and visit there ;)
